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1/04/2007

Oh the Spam Email bliss never ends
I've mentioned before that it's my job to check all the customer service emails we get at work. The spam we get is as great a joy in my life as Esteban and those twin midgets who teach you to sell real estate. They're no Chef Tony, but they're pretty close. Here are this month's "pick-o-the-litters":
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From: "Bank of America"
To: "Orderingcustomerservice"
Subject: Bank of America - Important Security Update!


But you already had, hadn't you? abandon bard "I don't give a fuck,»he
said, and this was almost the truth.

He blinked, lowering his head and staring stupidly out into the summer he had
never expected he would see. I'm very tired, and I don't think I'd react
very well to funny jokes. Everything looked in perfect working order.
""Paul, no! "She twisted the cap off the bottle and drank deeply. The riding
mower was a small tractor-like vehicle meant for keeping larger-than-average
lawns neat and clipped. He smoked it enthusiastically, feeling both sick and
fine, feeling the way he imagined robbers must feel when they stick up banks.
authenticate

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From: "Bank of America"
To: "Customerservice"
Subject: Alert - online confirmation procedure! -Thu, 28 Dec 2006 18:40:28 -0800
Created: 12/28/2006 20:50:03

He could hear crickets singing just outside the house when the wind dropped.
dementia biconcave Annie Wilkes was in her grave.

She slurped up the remainder of her sundae in five huge spoonfuls that would
have left Paul's throat gray with frostbite. "Same neat black ink below the
clipping. Just not being caught, it seemed, was a marvellous restorative.
I didn't kill him, you know. Paul doubted it. He looked past her and saw she
had turned the typewriter around before waking him; it grinned resplendently
at him with its missing tooth, telling him it was all right to hope and noble
to strive, but in the end it was doom alone which would count. Faintly he
could hear the sound of Annie Wilkes, Thomas»capable nurse, as she began to
soothe him and change his napkin. chadwick

Please bear in mind that I don't make this shit up. Also, the Magic Bullet is the Personal, Versatile Countertop Magician that does any job in ten seconds... or less.® And that's the fucking gospel.