Things I Shouldn't Say.



I'm sort of an asshole, as you well know. I think terrible things about people all the time. Unlike a the majority of jerks in this country, I have enough sense of decorum to hold my tongue. Sometimes I don't even have to try to be hateful and misanthropic.

Here's an example:

[sporty, bourg-y, 30ish couple is buying food at the counter]
MAN: Well, we're buying this food for our friends.
WOMAN: Yeah, they're too tired to cook right now, they just had a baby.
ME: [in my head] On purpose?

That's who I am. It honestly was the FIRST thing that popped into my head.
I love my job however, so I didn't say it out loud.

ME: [out loud] Oh really, boy or a girl?
WOMAN: A girl. They named it Madison.
ME: [in my head] How revolting.
ME: [out loud] That's great. It sure is nice of you guys to take them some food. Have you tried the quinoa?

It goes on from there, but the rest is unimportant. I'm sure you know how Megan and I feel about children, especially having them. We think it's the most disgusting, barbaric, horrid act on the face of the earth. Additionally, it's the most damaging and negative thing a person can do for the planet. In the third part, how can you possibly so selfish as to deliberately create a new baby in a world where literally thousands of children are euthanised every day in orphanages? It's amazingly irresponsible.

______________________________________________________
Bonus Post!



You also know that I hate the fucking Beatles. The cable radio station in the store has been set on "60's" or what-the-fuck-ever for about a week. I've head Magical Mystery Tour about a jillion times, and everytime I hear it I hate it even more. I don't understand the Beatles. I know their lyrics "changed the lives" of my parent's generation, but I think they're total nonsense. Anyone who says the Beach Boys aren't better is a turd, a dumb-bell, and a toot-burger.

Brian, Dennis and Carl rule, John and Paul drool.
- posted by Mason @ 11:23 PM