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7/09/2007

"This ain't 1940, bitch!"


this, apparently, is me

Two old men [ball caps, suspenders, mustaches, glasses] came up to the coffee bar today.
Old Man #1: Let me get two small coffees.
Me: Sure, do you want the house blend?
Old Man #2: No, it's two hot for coffee.
Old Man #1: You're right, it is to hot. [turning back to me] Can we get two malteds?
Me: [silence]
Me: [realizing what he's talking about] Oh, a malt! Yeah, we don't have malts.
Old Man #1: [jokingly indignant] You don't have malts? [gesturing toward the gelato] What kind of ice cream parlor is this?
Me: [slightly shocked and confused] Uh, well... we have gelato, but I wouldn't really call this an ice cream parlor. I guess I could put some vanilla gelato in the blender with some milk. Are two milkshakes ok?
Old Man #2: Yeah, a milkshake sounds good.
So I put gelato and whole milk the in vita-mix and ran it for a while. Gelato makes shitty milkshakes because the fat content is so low. I added half and half but it didn't help. It just turned into milk with tiny pieces of ice cream in it. I charged it like a smoothie, and they seemed like they enjoyed it. Bizarre.