The Longest Trip of All Time



Oh dear god.

We left OKC at 9:00pm last night. We got to Wynnewood and the Volvo started making a weird noise and vibrating. I thought, "Oh, Shit!".

I pulled over to check the tire and of course it was flat. I spent about thirty minutes changing it in the dark. I had taken a leak, and unthinkingly sat down in my own urine while jacking up the car. So I got the tire changed and climbed back in the drivers seat with my wet piss pants and we pulled back onto I-35. After about thirty seconds on the road, the front end started shaking again. I pulled back over, got out, checked it, and it looked fine. Then it dawned on me that since it's a spare, and not a full size tire, I couldn't drive over 35 miles an hour.

We didn't know what to do, so we drove to a gas station across from an indian casino, bought waters, I changed my pants and we talked through our situation. We decided to say "fuck it", so I flipped on the hazards and hit the highway, keeping it at about 30 the whole way.

We got to the Texas border at 1:30 in the morning. We pulled off to sleep at the first big rest stop. The dogs woke us up at three, and we got back out on the road.

We made it home at 6am. Nine hours after we left. I went straight to bed. Unquestionably the worst car trip of all time.
- posted by Mason @ 5:10 PM