Well, it smelled like coffee...



We went back to Whole Earth (which I didn't realize was a Texas-only chain - you should shop there) so I could buy a phone pouch for my bag. We were caught unexpectedly in a heavy downpour, so we took refuge in $tarbuxxx Coughee (yeah, haha Micro$oft or whatever, very original). After twenty or so minutes of waiting for it to stop raining, my curiosity about their new "slightly less burnt" Pike Place Roast. I walked up to the counter to order.

Me: Can I get a small (note: I said small on purpose because I hate their "tall" bullshit) Decaf Pike Place Roast?

Pimple Face Teenager: We don't have a decaf Pike's.

Me: Ok, I'll have a small decaf americano.

[he takes two cups off the stack and starts marking them]

Me: I don't need two cups. One cup is fine.

[he looks at me like I asked if he could add extra cotton candy]

Me: I don't want two cups. You don't need to double cup it.

PFT: (matter of factly, because I'm the idiot here) Are you sure? It's two hundred degrees, it's pretty hot. Most people want two cups.

Me: Well, it's not over 170... 180 at the most, but that doesn't matter. I'm sure that I just want one cup. And I don't want a lid or sleeve either. Just a cup with coffee in it.

PFT: (giving up - not because he thought I was right, but because he didn't care) Ok, whatever. That'll be two fourteen. I don't want you to burn yourself (chuckles).

Me: (handing him my credit card) I'll be fine, thanks.

Of course when I got the coffee it had a lid and sleeve.

It smelled like coffee. It looked like coffee... sort of.

A thing you should know: normally coffee is 98% water. This was 99.98% water. Unquestionably one of the weakest cups of brew I've ever tasted. I'm pretty sure that it tasted burnt as fuck, but I'm can't be positive because it was just coffee flavored water. I'm not being hyperbolic here, it honestly tasted like a cup of hot water that someone put a teaspoon of coffee flavoring in. I can't believe that they sell that garbage to people. I've had cold dregs from the bottom of the airpot that I enjoyed more.

The rain let up and we left. I accidentally left my cup on retaining wall after we lifted our bikes over it. I realized I'd lost it a half block later. I felt bad that I'd littered, but not bad enough to turn around. I suppose that makes me a hypocrite, but how much fossil fuel did you use today? I didn't use any, fucker.
- posted by Mason @ 7:17 PM