Jurassic Fart



In a further attempt to torture and flagellate myself, I watched the two Jurassic Park sequels this week. It goes without saying that in 1993 (remember, I was 12) Jurassic Park blew my fucking mind. At my mother's behest, I read the novel and loved it. Then I saw the movie, and loved it. I'm a huge fan of Crichton's, in that I never tire of him coming up with new and inventive ways to point out how technology combined with human greed, pride, ambition or stupidity spells disaster for those involved. We should really all just stop playing god. It's too bad he's a right wing asshole and climate-change-denier, but Orson Scott Card is a conservative Mormon, and I still like Ender's Game.

So I watched these two movies and I fucking hated every second of both of them. The Lost World: Jurassic Park II should have been called "King Kong Dinosaur Island: Jeff Goldblum", and it should have been 45 minutes shorter. The third film was simply embarrassing and I spent the full 90 minutes waiting for Téa Leoni to get eaten by a dinosaur. Save your time, she lives.

I would like my three and half hours back, please Steven Spielberg.
- posted by Mason @ 5:21 PM