On the Origins of Kool-Aid Man



I had a number of long discussions with a number of people today about Kool-Aid Man, his possible origins, and his basic biological (or bio-mechanical) makeup. My first thought was as follows: Kool-Aid Man (aka "The Big Man") is from a distant planet populated by other Kool-Aid Men. He crash landed on earth and (while attempting to get home) has chosen to spread his gospel of juice flavored, non-carbonated soft drinks to thirsty kids everywhere. In the above commercial, he also fights crime using Kool-Aid to foil baddies and crooks.

Megan has a different take: Dr. Eric Chambers was a scientist who worked for the Kool-Aid company inventing new and exciting flavors of Kool-Aid. While perfecting his recipe for the ultimate Kool-Aid flavor, a freak laboratory accident turned him into a giant polycarbonate pitcher filled with red Kool-Aid. After months of recovery and rehabilitation, Dr. Chambers emerges as Kool-Aid Man and is paid fabulously by the company to promote the product. He quickly becomes disenchanted and vows to stop the company at all costs. He retreats into solitude, only to be replaced by a man in a suit shaped like him which the company uses to sell Kool-Aid, the thing that Kool-Aid man hates more than anything in the world, but which he depends on for survival.

Some early speculation debated whether or not he could exist without the Kool-Aid inside him, and if the Kool-Aid was poured into him, or he generated it himself. Is it like blood or plasma? Is it his food source? If he wanted to, could he generate or be filled with a flavor other than Red? What's he made of? Plastic? Buffed diamond? Futuristic Poly-Carbonate? That clear titanium stuff Scotty has them build in Star Trek IV? It can't be glass because he smashes through fucking walls for god's sake.

My friend Ketch feels that Kool-Aid Man espouses an iron-clad and irrefutable philosophical message for this century: Breaking through barriers, Smashing down walls, and constant positive affirmation. OH YEAH!

If anyone's interested in drawing a D.C. Golden Age-esque comic written by us, then let me know. I think there's a real future in this. Or we could just take some old Hulk comics and put Kool-Aid Man stickers into every frame.
- posted by Mason @ 10:09 PM