Ripe for the Poisoning



Kris Allen must be stopped. This weaselly little fucker cannot be allowed to climb the pop charts, under any circumstances. He's even more disgusting than Capt. Fuckhead himself, last year's AI winner David "Ashamed that I'm Balding" Cook. If you haven't watched the Idol this season, you're lucky because that means you haven't been infected by Allen's sickly sweet renditions of songs you used to like before you heard him sing them. It comes as no surprise that Mr. Sensitive is a youth minister and worship leader at something called the New Life Church in Conway, Arkansas. Contemporary Christian much? Double puke to the max-factor times infinity. The only way I could have hated this prick any more than I already did was if he was heavily involved in some sort of suburban mega-church. Oh and he married his soro-a-whore of a high school sweetheart. I'm not making that shit up. I threw up a little in my mouth when I read it.

At any rate, I hope he googles himself constantly and reads this. I hope he has a blogger rss alert set up so that he can read every blog post about himself because there's no way he's not a totally self-obsessed, solipsistic, vain and egotistical loaf of stale Iron Kids bread. Kris, if you're reading this, you gross me out. I am of the opinion that your music is mediocre pap of the least interesting kind and your execution of other writer's songs leaves much to be desired even when viewed as tepid, limp dicked slop. Additionally, everything that you believe is a lie. Jesus isn't real. The bible is tool of thought control. Your world view couldn't be more skewed.

Also, you're a dickhead. Fart. Boners. End transmission.


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- posted by Mason @ 9:54 PM