When You Are Engulfed in Flames



Ohhhhhh shit. The new David Sedaris book is so wonderful that I can't stand it. We've been listening to it (his work is always best when he reads it himself), and some of the new stories are among some of his best. The story Road Trips, another of his missives on hitchhiking, destroys me. Please buy David's book. Or steal it from the internet, like I did.

piratebay link for the audio book.
- posted by Mason @ 8:13 PM (0) comments

Hollo-week, Day 7: The Video Dead



I actually quite liked this terrible 80's vhs goregasam of a flick. I was going to make a long post about it, but a quick google turned up this review, which renders my wacky opinion about it somewhat mute. This film is filled with heads exploding, heads getting loped off, spurting blood from maimed stumps, and writhing piles of steaming entrails.


sweet trailer from youtube.
- posted by Mason @ 8:13 PM (3) comments

Bow Before Your Vegan Pizza Jesus



blumetti's pizza sauce
roasted red peppers
green peppers
black olives
green olives
roasted onions
roasted eggplant
spicy marinated artichokes
raw shredded zucchini
tempeh bacon
grilled tofu

I made this pizza at work and brought it home. It's the best pizza I've ever had. If you were here, it'd be the pizza you ever had too.
- posted by Mason @ 10:37 PM (0) comments

Pumpkin Pie Smoothie



Let me tell you something. There has never, ever, ever, never, nerver, nuevenvon been a better smoothie than my new Pumpkin Pie Smoothie. I modified a recipe that Meg found for me inside the internet. What follows are the professional proportions (in ounces) and the home proportions (in cups). This smoothie will fuck you up.

the pro version:
8 oz vanilla soymilk
4 oz canned pumpkin
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 medium to large frozen banana
1/2 oz agave
4 oz ice cubes

or

the home version:
1 cup vanilla soymilk
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1 medium to large frozen banana
1 tbsp agave
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp cloves
1/8 tsp ginger
1/2 cup ice cubes

Toss that shit in the vitamix and blend. Yields one 16oz cup of awesomeness.
If you don't like this, you must have anti-american views, and there should be a national press inquiry regarding them.
- posted by Mason @ 10:36 PM (0) comments

Hallo-Week, Day 4: Hack-o-Lantern

Heavy Metal Horror review of this bad movie

Hack-o-Lantern was just bad. There's a satanic cult. There's a heavy metal video dream sequence. There's a truck full of pumpkins. It was boring. I fell asleep halfway through. Instead of watching this movie, you should just watch this Helloween video:


- posted by Mason @ 3:47 PM (0) comments

Hallo-Week, Day 3: Alice, Sweet Alice



Alice, Sweet Alice (1976)
(aka Communion, aka Holy Terror)

I'm not a big fan of the Catholic Church, but I am total devotee of Catholic horror cinema. Mentally disturbed 12 year old Alice plays second banana to her beautiful and perfect younger sister Karen (Brooke Shields in her film debut). Unsurprisingly, Alice murders her little sister, but shockingly burns her body in a cedar chest. Fucked up. The ensuing 70 minutes of John Waters-esque familial perversion, guilt and rage made me pretty uncomfortable. I'm not saying this film was good, so much as I'm saying this film was bizzare and disturbing.



Alphonso DeNoble (from imdb.com):

Alphonso DeNoble was a morbidly obese actor who only appeared in three low-budget horror pictures during his regrettably fleeting career. DeNoble's regular job was working as a bouncer at a Paterson, New Jersey gay bar. Writer/director Alfred Sole convinced him to play the strikingly lewd, sleazy, and grotesque pedophile landlord Mr. Alphonso in the excellent "Communion." Alphonso went on to portray a white slave dealer in the notorious splatter sickie "Bloodsucking Freaks" and a camera store proprietor in the cruddy "Night of the Zombies." To earn extra money, Alphonso would often dress up as a priest and hang around cemeteries. Elderly widows would ask "Father Alphonso" for a blessing and offer him a donation for the church in return. Alphonso DeNoble died in 1986.

- posted by Mason @ 3:47 PM (0) comments

Hallo-Week, Day 2: Wolf Creek



That asshole Quentin Tarentino says Wolf Creek is the scariest movie he's ever seen. Well, he's a fucking idiot then. We both thought this film was boring, trite, poorly executed and in no way frightening. Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell is scarier than this piece of crap. Cinema about lecherous killers in the Australasian Outback should be fucking wicked awesome, but it just wasn't. Don't waste your time.
- posted by Mason @ 3:47 PM (0) comments

Hallo-Week, Day 1: The Strangers



Very rarely am I scared, startled, creeped out or upset by a film, but we've started Halloween week (or hallo-week... get it?) off right by watching The Strangers. First time director Bryan Bertino really fucking freaked me out with this one. This and [REC] are the only two movies that I've seen in the last several years that affected me the way horror movies are meant to. This one's a slow burn, with not that much gore, but well worth the wait. The cinematic tension is well paced, the audio is stunningly edited, and the Volvo 240 is well featured throughout the first 45 minutes (I know, I'm a nerd).

Synopsis: A couple is brutally and inexplicably captured and tortured (psychologically and psychosocially) by a group of complete strangers. Why? Just because. Creepy.
- posted by Mason @ 3:47 PM (0) comments

Ruben Bolling is a Genius



read more at salon.com
- posted by Mason @ 3:47 PM (0) comments

World-Wide Afro-Funk Domination: The Budos Band


The Budos Band, "Volcano Song"

Normally I hate "white dudes that play black music", but these guys are pretty fucking good. Issac turned me on to them when he asked me to download both their albums. Opinion?
- posted by Mason @ 3:47 PM (1) comments

Living in the Future: The Reality of H+



Scientific American has an amazing article about neural implants and the future of computer-brain link ups. Here are the highlights:

* Surgeons have implanted a novel neural prosthesis into a paralyzed patient’s brain. The high-tech device enables the patient to communicate his thoughts to a computer, which translates them into spoken words.
* Nine people so far have received brain-implanted prostheses. In the past, patients have used these devices to spell words on a computer, pilot a wheelchair or flex a mechanical hand.
* One day implants may enable paralyzed people to move robotic arms or even bypass damaged parts of the nervous system to reanimate unresponsive limbs. In the meantime, the quest to develop implanted neural prostheses is revealing details of how the brain orchestrates movement.

- posted by Mason @ 8:42 PM (0) comments

So Long, Old Friend



Thanks to a madcap series of misadventures and complications, we're returning the 240 Wagon to my parents and buying their black 2002 Accord. I realize how un-Mason it seems to drive a nice car, but here's my rationalization: I'm cheap and I'd rather spend more money now on a newer car (which was a great deal because my parents love me), than pour more money into the Volvo, which I'm afraid is fast becoming a losing battle as a primary vehicle. It's also leaps and bounds more green to drive an auto with 75% better gas mileage and much lower emissions. So I'm an adult now, I suppose? I guess not really because Mommy and Daddy helped me loads. So bye-bye 83 240 GL 5 door, my mom will go back to driving you once again. She's afraid that it will make her the ultimate cliche of a progressive liberal woman in her 50's. She likes gardening, british mysteries and estate sales, so you be the judge. [insert smiley emoticon to signify that i'm kidding]
- posted by Mason @ 10:56 PM (0) comments

GAME OVER, MOTHERFUCKERZZZZ!!!!!!




Also, you love this:

Obama is "a arab".
- posted by Mason @ 10:56 PM (0) comments

Your Long Lost Brother



I've had this Boss RSD-10 Digital Delay/Sampler for about five years. I got it from Mark because he couldn't get it to work. I dicked around with it, found the right adapter (9 volt, sub 200 milli-amps), and have enjoyed using it since. Today at the Arlington Guitar Show, I found it's 1/2 rack space brother, the RDD-10 Digital Delay for $20. It has a super short delay range, making the bottom half of the settings more flanger/doubler-like than the RSD. I chained them together and nearly lost my mind. Putting the DD first with a short, low feedback delay and running into the longer delay is totally fucking mind bending. There's an unlimited range of freak out to be had with this business.
- posted by Mason @ 10:56 PM (0) comments

Roti Grillz


mmmm... calcutta slums....

NEWSFLASH!!!!! Roti Grill is vegan friendly! We ate there with my dad, and the manager lady confirmed that all of their bread is non-dairy and that they use vegetable oil not ghee. So avoid the meat and the creamy sauces, and you're fucking golden. I had the Hot Vindaloo, which was awesome, but next time I might get the Extra Hot. We recommend the Balti, the Vindaloo and the Jalfarezi. Also, the Naan is awesome.
- posted by Mason @ 10:56 PM (0) comments

Check My Millionaire Tires....



I finally got in my new set of Panaracer "Col de la Vie" from Harris Cyclery. They cost $60 a pair, or about double what I pay for a cheap set of Kendas. The difference is very, very noticeable. The Panaracers are slightly wider than a standard set, and they ride like oiled glass. I went for the gumwalls because I think they look cool, and the tread will keep chunks of glass from puncturing my tubes. They also make a block tread all black tire. These tires come highly recommended by me.
- posted by Mason @ 10:56 PM (0) comments

Back to the Grind... get it?



Back to work today, and let's talk about grind. You need to throw away your shitty Krupps grinder. Blade grinders give you lots of huge pieces and lots of dust, and not much else. Brew that up and you under-extract the big chunks and over-extract the dirt. The outcome of this poor system is no less than a dreadful brew, both weak and bitter, with no body or crispness. And for espresso? Fucking forget it. You'll never get a fine enough grind with a blade grinder. You're better off with a $300 grinder and $300 espresso machine than a $100 grinder and a $1000 machine. The wrong grind is the death of your cup. Set your grind so that your shots pull 2 to 2.5 ounces of espresso in 28-30 seconds. Your drip (set right up the middle for auto drip and as coarse as possible for french press) should brew, regardless of portion, in 4 minutes. One ACM (accepted coffee measure, a rounded tablespoon) of ground coffee per 8 ounces of water, or a flat tablespoon for 6 ounces.

Go out and buy a burr grinder, you won't be sorry.
- posted by Mason @ 10:56 PM (0) comments

I know I've been really bad about posting lately.



I know, I'm sorry, I'm an asshole. I have a ton of posts I need to make, but there's been a ton of shit happening lately and I really haven't had the inclination nor the time.
- posted by Mason @ 9:52 PM (0) comments

No, this guy is the fucking eggman.


i found this online forever ago and forgot to post it, the source escapes me.
- posted by Mason @ 10:20 PM (0) comments

State of Shock


stock picture stolen from someone's flickr

There is, in my grandparent's house, a vortex known as "the middle bedroom". Its a place, a closet actually, where unwanted gifts once went to die (much like the Island of Lost Toys, but for panini presses and frozen yogurt makers), but is now peopled by Pyrex bowls, salad spinners and sundry kitchen overflow. Tasked at putting away folding chairs after lunch today, I had occasion to open the closet, and immediately wished I hadn't. In a brown paper grocery sack next to the ironing board, a stack of National Geographics (the children of an uncanceled subscription) nearly brought my salad back up into my mouth. The ghost of my grandfather's death, a thing rarely mentioned, but that I think about daily, kicked me square in guts. The sadness of a bag full of unwanted magazines overwhelmed me more than I ever thought possible. I can't imagine how much it must hurt my Nanny to live in a house haunted by the absence of a spouse. The constant reminders of a life built together and ripped apart by sickness and death would be more than I could take, and I understand now why she moved so quickly to empty the garage and divest herself of his orphaned possessions. Do you cancel a 40 year subscription to your husband's favorite magazine, or do you let its regular delivery lay fresh that deepest of wounds 12 times a year?

How do you choose between honoring the dead, and moving on with your life?
- posted by Mason @ 10:53 PM (0) comments

Riker is a Modem Murderer



We're up in O to the K for a funeral, and we're staying with Meg's dad. The second we showed up, Riker (who never pees in the house) became so excited by Glenn's dog Wiley that he immediately pissed all over the floor. Well, that's fine... Meg cleaned it up, we set our stuff down, and let Riker and Comet out into the backyard.

Flash forward five minutes. Walking back in the front door with the ice chest, I saw that black and white spotted dog of ours sniffing around next to the computer, lift his leg and piss directly into the vents on the side of the cable modem.

Me: "Mother-fucking son-of-a-bitch!"
Modem: SNAP SNAP CRACKLE CRACKLE (sparks and flickers of flame lick out the side of the modem)
Me: "God-damn-it!" (pulling the plug out of the wall)
Modem: (smoke pours out the now black base)

So Riker pissed directly onto the transformer of a Surfboard Cable Modem and destroyed it. I felt really bad about it, and consequently haven't been able to use the internet. The moral of this story is: don't let Riker near your modem, because he fucks them shits up.
- posted by Mason @ 8:51 PM (2) comments

Van Morrison - "Burning Ground"



I head a great song at work this week, "Burning Ground" from the 1997 Van Morrison album The Healing Game (yeah, I know 90's Van Morrison, but its a good song). I downloaded it, and wasn't blown away... but the single is great. Thanks to "ya boi Issac", I've been listening to quite a bit more Morrison as of late and have been pleasantly surprised at much of it that I'd never delved into. Here's the cut, see what you think. I especially like the horns.
- posted by Mason @ 8:51 PM (0) comments

Billy Gibbons vs. William Gibson



I bought a replacement copy Neuromancer and a copy of its sequel, Count Zero at the Salvation Army for a buck. I think a person's choice between Billy Gibbons and William Gibson says volumes about them. I would hope that its patently obvious where my allegiances lie.


- posted by Mason @ 8:51 PM (0) comments

He's going to be so pissed when he loses...



John McCain's blinding rage is nothing new.
- posted by Mason @ 12:01 AM (0) comments

You're a fucking soda junkie now? You suck.



You don't like Moxie Soda. You would like it if you were from Maine. If you were from new England, you would sell your daughter into white slavery for a 1 oz. shot of this strange elixir. I didn't hate it... I can see how if you grew up accustomed to it's bizarrely herbal taste, you could never drink anything else. It's not really a cola because it doesn't have kola nut, and it's not exactly root beer either. I won't have made up my mind until I've had it on five more separate occasions... it was that strange.

This grape soda, however, was excellent. It's called NuGrape and it comes from Waco, TX (originally from Atlanta, it is now owned by the Big Red company... ewwwww, Big Red). In direct contradiction to my regularly espoused soda edicts, this is artificially flavored. I know, I know, but natural grape soda doesn't taste like grape soda, it tastes like grape juice. Of course it contains cane sugar, but the fake flavor does upset me a little. I would buy this soda again, though I would have enjoyed it more had it been less sweet.

This Nesbitt's Orange crap, on the other hand, really just isn't very good. I need a cane sugar Sunkist or Orange Crush and they're produced so limitedly that they might as well not exist. I would not purchase this bottle orange again.

All of these were purchased last week at The Soda Gallery in Oak Cliff.


the moxie man is going to put his finger in your fucking eye if you're not careful
- posted by Mason @ 12:01 AM (3) comments

Hempmilk



I tried some Hemp Dream (from Hain, the makers of Rice Dream, Soy Dream, and Almond Dream) that we just got in at work. I googled it, and I don't know if we're a test market for it (and the new Oat Dream), or there's just NOTHING else on the internet about it. Review? Gladly.

There's no image online, so I'll have to take a picture of it. The box is tie-dyed. Yeah. It made me want to puke too. Almost as much as drinking what was inside. Man... look. I know all you other vegans rave about how awesome hemp milk tastes, but I think it's fucking terrible. I hate the flavor, I hate the texture and I especially hate the aftertaste. I just don't get the hype. I presume that the whole thing is based around pothead's love of anything and everything made from their belove-ed herb. But fuck that shit you stupid hippie, I'll stick with soy for cooking and coffee, and almond for recreational drinking.

Did I mention that Hemp Dream is OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive? More than double that of our house brand of soymilk.
- posted by Mason @ 12:00 AM (2) comments

Religulous



Meg and I got to see Bill Maher's new documentary Religulous last night and throughly enjoyed it. Maher is clear, concise, thoughtful and fucking hilarious. If the film is playing in your city, I highly encourage your viewing of it. Unless you love jesus, in which case you'll storm out of the theater and demand your money back.
- posted by Mason @ 4:14 PM (0) comments

I can't say I was impressed...



We were out and about so we dropped in on Sprouts Farmers Market. Uh... I guess it was OK? It was really more of an IGA with soymilk and tofu. They had signs up everywhere touting their "natural grocery", but they carry products with artificial colors, flavors and sweeteners. They do have some natural grocery items like Kettle Chips and Simply Organic, but they sell Daddy Ray's cookies (the ones at 99 cents only) along side the Newman's Own. From what I could tell (and I know a little bit about the grocery industry and vegetables) nothing in their produce section was local or organic. The sign said "Farm Fresh Produce"... sure, Factory Farm Fresh. It looked just the like the produce at Fiesta, only not as cheap. At least Fiesta labels the country of origin on all of their fruit and veg.

Ultimately, I think Sprouts is a fantastic example of the minimum that conventional grocers should be doing. I understand that it is not their intention to compete with us, but instead to compete as a regular grocery store. However, billing themselves as a "Farmers Market and Natural Grocery" is a joke at best and negligent to consumers at worst. Does that seem inflammatory? Good, it was meant to. Sprouts gives the customer the impression that the things they carry are in some way better for one's health. No natural grocers explicitly state that all their food is healthy, but they all know that customers walk through the doors with that in mind. Knowing this and unabashedly selling Fig Newman's right next to cookies made with HFCS, hydrogenated oil, bleached white flour, artificial flavors and red dye #2 is misleading to shoppers and misrepresentative of the actually natural brands you carry. That's fucked up. Krogers selling crap next to quality doesn't matter because you don't go in with any expectations about the quality of product they stock. So Sprouts should do one of two things: drop the natural image (which is the basis of their business model), or stop selling chemicals disguised as food.



We ordered two deli sandwiches for lunch. The veggies were tasty and fresh, but the sourdough bread was fucking crap. At least it was only 3.99, almost half the price of our sandwiches, but about 1/10th as good. I would definitely not order one again.

I will say that they had a great setup for their bulk section:



- posted by Mason @ 4:10 PM (0) comments

Volume vs. Weight



Do you understand the difference between volume and weight? Well, most people don't. Let's get some information out of the way first:

-Volume is the measurement of three dimensional space taken up by an object.
-Mass is the measurement of matter in an object.
-Weight is measurement of the force of gravity on it's mass.

Here in America, weight and volume are both measured in ounces. 16oz is both a pint and a pound. You follow me thus far, correct? You understand that if an object is more dense (meaning that it has more molecules [that's mass, remember] packed into a given amount of space) than it by definition will also weigh more (because weight is just an easily understandable way to measure mass). If all this makes sense to you then raise your hand.

Hopefully that's everyone. So why is it that everyone with whom I attempt to have the conversation looks at me like they're a goat and I'm trying to summarize calculus for them? I have the same problem when people get confused about daylight savings or time zones.

"So if According to Jim starts at 7:00pm there, what time does it start here?"

My point is that a 16oz (pint) container might or might not weigh 16 ounces (a pound).
- posted by Mason @ 4:11 PM (1) comments

No-Cage Shelters Can Work



Maybe if we all put down our bongs and chili cheese dogs and chose to do something with our lives we'd live much more pleasant lives.

Donate a few dollars to The Cat House on the Kings, it should assuage your overwhelming middle class guilt for ten minutes. While your at it, give some money to Terry at Serenity Springs Animal Sanctuary here in North Texas. She's a one-woman powerhouse of farm animal rescue.
- posted by Mason @ 11:04 PM (0) comments

Sugar, Sucre, Azucar



The Fanjul family has controlled the American Sugar Trade since the 70's. They're single handedly responsible for the destruction of the Florida Everglades in my lifetime. Their treatment of the macheteros (cane cutters) that work their plantations is shockingly subhuman. Hand in hand with most other huge agri-business, the Fanjuls have spent years and untold thousands of dollars fighting the United Farm Workers and making sure that big sugar lobbyists passed legislation allowing them to continue to exploit their workers.

At work, I've stopped using Florida Crystals and switched to the sugar we use here at home, our house brand Vegan Cane Sugar. It's imported from Malawi (a democratic republic in southeastern Africa), one of the "world's least developed and most densely populated" countries. Their per capita GDP is $800 USD. Ours is $44,000. Guilty much? Me too.

Buying Organic Fair Trade sugar from economically depressed third world countries gives the cane cutters and processors an opportunity for better working conditions, more pay, and the skill sets to grow sustainable crops. Fair Trade isn't just yuppie bullshit, it has a measurable impact on the lives of the poorest people on our planet.

If you'd like, please read more about the current state of the sugar industry in America and what you can do to support Fair Trade products.

Post Script - I should point out that Big Sugar is still less evil than Big Corn, so you should still choose Cane Sugar based products over High Fucktose Corn Syrup.
- posted by Mason @ 9:41 PM (0) comments