I don't need it...



...but I want it. In the early 70's Yamaha introduced the FS1E (commonly known as the "fizzy") to the UK. It's a 50cc motorcycle masquerading as a moped. It has a tiny two stroke engine, a top speed of about 40 mph and gets about 100 miles to the gallon when driven at about 25mph on city streets. Sadly, they're horridly collectable and go for upwards of $7000 in restored condition. This one is a '73, and is totally amazing. It's gold, for fuck's sake.

Megan says I can't have one because I'd kill myself on it. She's most likely correct. Mopeds aren't as cool as electric bikes, but they're pretty swank. I propose a national speed limit of 25mph for all non-state or interstate highway streets. We'd all be a lot safer.
- posted by Mason @ 11:55 PM

"Jon-a-than, what's happen-in'?"



We dropped in at our local [truly local, not regional] used book merchant this afternoon. Paperbacks Plus IS the East Dallas/Lakewood bookstore. Meg found this Modern Lovers LP that we don't own and have never seen anywhere before for a finskie. Half a sawbuck! I was pleased. The vinyl selection at Paperbacks Plus is pretty good for a neighborhood bookstore, and their sci-fi section is great. The prices are the same or lower than Half-Price and it's only two miles away from la casa. The guy behind the counter was nice, about our age and moderately normal, basically the opposite of what your average bookstore guy. He wasn't fifty, he didn't smell, didn't look like pederast, and he didn't sit in a recliner watching television and smoking cheap cigarettes.

At the moment we're watching the highly edited USA version of The Breakfast Club. Entire sections of dialogue are poorly ADR'd with inane new lines so that little children's ears won't be offended by the dirty words the bad man says.

"You Stink!"
"Flip You!"

In retrospect, I'm angry with John Hughes for ruining my teens. His movies gave me unreasonable expectations about what my life should be, causing my depression and weight gain. I'll be suing for damages this summer. Also, I tooted.
- posted by Mason @ 11:20 PM

We crack the highway barrier.

me and the boy going for a walk before our big bike ride.

I-45 can suck my dick. We rolled straight under it and into downtown Dallas this morning. Check it. As I become a more confident rider, and we venture farther and farther afield, I feel ever stronger that cars are unnecessary for the majority of city dwellers. The more people who abandon their gas guzzling behemoth SUVs, and take up utility cycling, the safer roads will be for other riders.

Also, I'd like to point out that you wouldn't need a second job if you gave up drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, fast food, prepackaged meals, meat and cheese. You're overconsumption is directly proportional to your perception of your underpay. You fucker.

Number C, have you seen this horseshit? It's all over the news and what have you. It's very obviously a hoax. The pictures are very poorly photoshopped I might add. I have a lengthy explanation of why this is fake, but it's so blatantly false that it's not even worth my time. Take a look and have a laugh.
- posted by Mason @ 11:25 PM

Jesus Blesses the Dinosaurs



Those nutty science hating soldiers in god's army are at it again. Tomorrow marks the grand opening of the Creation Museum outside Cincinnati. Sadly, media outrage against this nonsense has been minimal The "liberal-jew, god-hating, fag-enabler" New York Times lent a modicum of credulity to this asinine enterprise in a surprisingly even handed article.

To save you the agony of reading the umpteen articles written about this today, I'll boil it down:

There is a museum in Kentucky that presents biblical fairy tales, misinformation, 14th century science and out-right lies as fact. There are dinosaurs and "cavemen" posed together in dioramas. It's really a bible museum with a veneer of "science" credibility tacked over it. Take a look for yourself.

I honestly can't tell how disgusted by this I am. I find it terrifying that we're moving backward intellectually in this country. I'm not talking simply about our diminished level of discourse, I'm talking about people "believing" in "facts" (like young earth theory [ha!]) because their preacher said they were the truth. Science is based on thoroughly researched, peer reviewed evidentiary studies, not dusty stories from some moldy old book.

Fuck off with your fundamentalism.
- posted by Mason @ 11:07 PM

TING!



Hey Mon, it's a tasty fucking grapefruit soda to drink. Iree, mon, rasta!

Sorry, I guess that's a bit stereotypical isn't it? Well Jamicans all have eight jobs, so they're too busy to read my blog. TING! is a grapefruit soda manufactured by Pepsi Jamaica. We have it at work and it's totally fucking awesome. It's sweet, but very, very strong and grapefruity. This website gives you the option of buying it online, but you'd be better off going to your local international food market. It's about a dollar for a 12 oz bottle, which is steep, but well worth it.

Here is some VERY weird information from their website:

Ting soda brand is more than 25years old and is made from real delicious Jamaican. The demand for Ting soda had been stable for years so the growing of Trees to meet demand was also stable. However the trees were becoming old and diseased as little re-planting took place. Since 2000 the demand for Ting soda brand has doubled in Jamaica which has doubled the demand for the Juice. Since 2000 "TING" has supplied 100% of these uniquely propogated seedlings to Citrus farmers in Jamaica. These Farmers are guaranteed the world grapefruit price in exchange for all the available grapefruit. The trees take 4 years to grow and mature in the rich Jamaican soil and fruit in the Jamaican sunshine. This is why we say "Ting Grapefruit Soda" is a little island sunshine in a bottle. Your demand creates a cycle of events to which culminates in the growing of delicious freshing grapefruit juice. Please try our Ginger Beer and diet ting soda.

It sounds like a third grader wrote it.

In other food news, Meg made more seitan pepperoni, and it is my new jesus. Also, frozen choco-bananas with flax meal on top are my current addiction.
- posted by Mason @ 11:25 PM

Newsgroups are back, motherfuckers.



I've renewed my interest in the usenet thanks to a great linux newsreader called PAN. Pulling TV shows off the newsgroups is a trillion times faster than bittorrent. The selection is a lot more limited, and searching isn't the easiest thing in the world, but there's a lot of weird shit on the usenet that people don't upload as torrents.

I'm a fan of alt.binaries.multimedia.comedy.british right now. I pulled down three episodes of the new BBC3 show Gavin and Stacey in about fifteen minutes. I'd been waiting for days for them to download from the single bittorrent seeder, and it was really starting to piss me off.

The show is fairly funny, somewhat light hearted, still crude enough to make me laugh, but subtle enough to hold my attention. It, like all decent contemporary comedies, is a filmed, single camera show shot all on location. I'm constantly amazed that the majority of American sitcoms are still "taped before a live studio audience". The old "tell a joke, now wait for the laugh" method of television is so over it hurts me. Thanks to the power of the interweb, I'm not a prisoner of broadcast tv. Fuck you, George Lopez, I don't have to watch your drivel, I have options.
- posted by Mason @ 11:34 PM

Thirty Dollars/Thirty Days: We Won!



Last month, we challenged ourselves to only spend $30 on gas for the month. We took that goal, rolled it, lit it and smoked it. In one month, we only drove 117 miles. 69 miles of that was for the mandatory training I attended for the new job. That leaves 48 miles that we drove for ourselves. The last time we used the car was April 28th, when we went to REI. We're going to home to O-K-L-A next week, and afterword we'll start our Zero Mile Month. We will be totally car free for a month! It really won't be hard at all. I have no desire to drive anywhere anymore.

Yesterday, we met my dad in Deep Ellum for dinner. We ate at Twisted Root Burger, which was pretty good. They had a decent black bean burger, tasty curly fries, and very good homemade bbq sauce. They brew their own root beer, but the flavor of the day was coconut almond, so I didn't have any. It was raining, and I needed to deliver a guitar to my dad. I don't have an extra gig bag, so I wrapped it in two trash bags, and stuffed it my backpack with the neck sticking out of the top. I slung the whole thing on my back and we hit the road. We got a little, but it wasn't too bad.

When I was driving, we never went to Deep Ellum or downtown, because of the parking situation. Now, I have no qualms about going anywhere. Biking has totally liberated and empowered my transportation, I'm not afraid of going anywhere now. I'm actually willing to go places in my city because I have no parking restrictions.
- posted by Mason @ 11:12 PM

New Raw Granola



After I realized just how much sugar I had to use to make the granola I was baking even edible, I thought: "There has to be a better way!"

I'm now taking my granola ingredients {wheat, rye, triticale, buckwheat, oats] and just pouring a little honey, some juice and water over them and putting them in the fridge to soften. I must say, it's pretty fucking tasty. I believe that this new morning cereal regime is contributing to my newfound hyper-regularity. I'm powering two full cups of raw whole grains every day, and there's no way that can be bad. I'm hoping eventually to be able to reduce the sweetener even more, possibly to the point of eating it plain. We'll see I guess.
- posted by Mason @ 11:53 PM

Vindication



Megan and I were right. Again.

This article from Beyond Pesticides proves that everything I've ever said about hand sanitizers is correct. They're not only totally ineffective, but their widespread use is going to create a super bug that will be totally resistant to all antibiotics. Check it:

Rolf Halden, Ph.D., an environmental scientist at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, says that the introduction of so many new anti-microbial products has not affected the rates of infectious disease in the United States. He points out that antibacterials don’t even kill the cold, flu, or intestinal illness viruses.

Also, alcohol-based products don’t kill bacteria with protective spores, including bacteria that cause a life-threatening type of diarrhea and colitis. “The money’s been spent, but the benefit is doubtful, or absent,” said Dr. Halden.

Compounding the danger of using antibacterial products, laboratory evidence suggests that use of these products could cause a stronger strain of bacteria to emerge—one that could resist conventional antibiotics.

Ohh, snap! Sounds like the good doctor agrees with me. Slathering that shit all over yourself is a total waste of your time. It's not protecting you from anything. More over, the article has some quite shocking information about the very harmful environmental effects of sanitizers:

More than ineffective, these products may be outright dangerous. Two common antibacterial ingredients—triclosan and its analog triclocarban—have been linked to numerous health and environmental effects. Triclosan depresses the central nervous system and is hypothermic. It is disposed into residential drains and is carried to streams and rivers, where it destroys aquatic ecosystems. Dr. Halden says that they [triclosan and triclocarban] may kill beneficial organisms in soil and waterways. Both of these chemicals have been found in breast milk, fish, and waterways.

Wellity, wellity, wellity.

We're right, you're wrong and now I have the science to prove it. Plain old soap and water is just fine for me.
- posted by Mason @ 11:43 PM

"We all gotta die someday...."


Yesterday someone told me about a sermon they heard. The premise of said liturgical talk is as follows.

It seems the preacher had given up smoking a number of years earlier. He had, in subsequence, given up alcohol, and then coffee as well. Sometime recently it had occurred to him that he missed coffee, and that it's absence from his life had really done more harm to him emotionally than it had benefited him physically.

To him, the logical conclusion of this revelation was that instead of giving things up, it was possible that the philosophy of "everything in moderation" might be a better road for the individual to take. Since our lives are "in god's hands" anyway, eating fatty foods and smoking really doesn't matter. He repeated again and again, "we all gotta die someday..." indicating that it was god's will when our time came, and that we have neither the capacity nor the responsibility to affect said end in anyway.

Frankly, I was shocked at this. Christianity generally holds the totally opposite position on pretty much everything. By extension, this argument of "we all gotta die someday..." can logically become "do what feels good". Last time I checked, that was basically what Anton LaVey was on about for all those years. Am I missing something here? Has the jesus set become so lazy, selfish, greedy and slothful that they actually buy into this justification for their rampant wastefulness?

After being told about this, and having the overwhelming logic and sensibleness of it explained to me, I gave pause in the inevitable silence after doctrine is presented. The spot where I'm supposed to say either, "Praise Jesus!", or "wow, I'd never thought it that way before... where's this church?" My response, and I chose to keep it short, lest I should have offended, was as follows.

"The fallacy of that argument is that it's predicated on the supposition that people have even a modicum of self control." It was a really good response because I'd had five minutes to think of it from the time the whole story started. It probably came off sounding a bit posh, but I got my point across. I wasn't rude about it, I just let it go. I'm actively trying to be non-confrontational with my agnosticism.

I'm honestly just blown away by the utter absurdity of this argument. People need limits. Worldwide organized religion has thrived for millenia by exploiting people's willingness to be controlled by having arbitrary limits placed on them. Eating, drinking and doing whatever you want, as long as its in "moderation" simply doesn't jive with the way the world works. You can't say, "well, I'll just have a bit of tuck off the old crack rock. not too much though, I want to save room for supper!" It doesn't work like that. If people were capable of having "just a touch" of the black tar heroin, there would be no such thing as addiction. In justifying the correctness of doing something bad, as long as it only once in a while, you've written a moral blank check to the world.

"Well, let's see, it says here you like to fuck young boys, do you?"
"Yeah, I suppose I do."
"How often do you partake?"
"Maybe once, twice a year, tops."
"Oh, right then. On your bike son, no harm there. Just a bit of fun. Everything in moderation, eh?"
"Cheers, thanks mate!"

The part that bothers me the most about this argument is how totally illogical it is. Obviously I think religion is a total joke, [no, strike that, not a joke, a dangerous and terrifying plauge on our populace] but I think this sort of thinking is even more dangerous than the traditional christian gobbelty-gook. It gives carte-blanche for people to live solely for themselves, justifying their gross overconsumption, waste and gluttony. All because "it's in god's hands".

Don't forget to do what you like, "we all gotta die someday...". No matter what the consequences
- posted by Mason @ 11:02 PM

Transportation Not Recreation*

*i can't take credit for the title, it's Megan's line. we really want to make stickers.

I hate sport cycling and sport cyclists. I have a number of reasons for this.

They are as follows:

*Sport cyclists are generally rich assholes. They purchase huge amounts of silly and expensive gear, driving the bike industry in this country strongly toward marketing products almost exclusively to them, making sensible and afforable gear hard to find.

*Because of all the pricey gear and fancy bikes and absurd lycra outfits, they make biking seem difficult and expensive. The average non-cycling American associates anyone who rides a bike with these jock-douche bags. I think most average people would agree that bike jocks are pretentious tight asses who look down their noses at any form of cycling other than padded butt shenanigans [Dave, this doesn't apply to you, you're entirely too neurotic to be a bike jock].

*Calling cycling a sport denigrates it as transportation. When we accept it as sport, we reject it as transportation. When people think the place for your bike is a concrete trail around the lake, they (by extension) think that you have no place on the road. That's bullshit, and we all know it.

*Sport cyclists treat pedestrians the way cars treat bikes. They generally don't obey traffic laws, and present bicycling in a negative light to motorists and pedestrians, making people who drive cars more hostile toward all bikes. Sport cyclists are also terribly rude to commuter and utility cyclists (like us). Our bikes aren't good enough for them, apparently.

*Putting your bike on your SUV, driving it to the lake, riding around in circles, putting it back on the SUV and driving home is insane. It's horrid environmental stewardship and creates more greenhouse gases than if you'd just stayed home watching television. The lake is five miles from your house. When you get there, you ride the ten mile trail 3 times. You can't ride the extra ten miles? I think that's just sick.

So fuck off, bike jock. You're kind's not welcome here. Ride your bike, but ride it somewhere.
- posted by Mason @ 11:45 PM

Let's us just sit quietly for a while.



I bought this completely kick ass sticker at an estate sale yesterday along with it's longer bumper sized mate. My feet hurt from standing, but not NEARLY as much as they would without my awesome new Shoes for Crews Backcourts. They keep me from falling and they're specially designed to help me stand up all day.

"New Shoes!"
"Sure thing Leo, we'll get you some new shoes."

In movie news, the earth shattering Bourne Ultimatum drops this summer. I'm going to piss myself I'm so excited. Matt Damon is a total fucking bad-ass and my new favourite action star of all time.
- posted by Mason @ 11:49 PM

Now I look like a crazy homeless man.


i'm mad fucking sweaty as hell in this picture.

Check the map of our ride today. Almost 17 miles, five estate sales and the grocery store. It was a good one, buddy. I found a free milk crate in someone's trash so I had to strap it to the top of the other milk crate. A few hours later, we bought two more crates for a buck each. Where to put it? On top of the second one, bitches. We put the third extra crate on top of Meg's crate and we were good to go. We rode about eight miles with this nutty setup and got a lot of funny looks.

Also, I ate a Guava Empanada today. Tasty. A little weird, but tasty.
- posted by Mason @ 11:07 PM

I want a soy/rice/oat milk maker for my birthday.


I've started buying our house brand of soy milk because all other brands are owned by super evil monster food corporations. Silk is bad if you're anti-dairy. It's a White Wave product, a company owned by the evil Dean Foods, the largest dairy producer and processor on earth. That's not cool. 8th Continent is owned by General Mills [shudder.] Organic Valley is the best bet since they're a co-op of farmers, but they still produce dairy and meat products (though I will say theirs tastes the best, by far).

Enter a home soy milk maker. Sure, they're kind of nutty, [and you can make nut milk!] and not cheap (mostly about $125-$150), but you can make your own tofu! Megan is going to do more research, but I want my ultra cheap home-made oat milk dammit.
- posted by Mason @ 11:45 PM

Christopher Hitchens fucking cracks me up.



Megan hipped me to this fantastic clip of my favorite anti-religious malcontent, Christopher Hitchens talking mad fucking shit on that fat dead pig, Falwell. I'll say no more about the bastard, because I don't think his ilk of human trash deserves commentary. Come on fellow liberal antitheists, stop talking about him. Let's all look at pornography instead.

We rode all the way to Half Price Books today, a 15 mile round trip. We also rode around quite a bit this morning making today a twenty miler. It wasn't nearly as draining as last week though, so I think that means we're getting stronger.

Also, someone finally upped a torrent of the entire series of one of my favourite programmes, Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends. If you've never seen it, it's a contemporary culture must.

Did you know that Poland was under martial law for two years in the early 80's? I didn't.
- posted by Mason @ 10:09 PM

Well, I'm an old man.



"Have you ever, like, listened to this band called Nirvana?"

A girl that I assume to be about fifteen was wearing a Nirvana shirt in the store today. My old benchmark for me being old was how long ago the the movie Batman came out (18 years ago this summer, depressing, eh, fellow gen-xers?). My new watershed date is the fact that Kurt Cobain was murdered committed suicide in April of 1994. Thirteen years.

13 years ago I was in the seventh grade. This empty headed little tart in Nirvana t-shirt was two years old then. I was watching horrified as the story poured out of Kurt Loder's mouth on MTV news while this little poser was pooing her pants. Man, that shit is fucked up.

So it made me feel really super fucking old. I'm no huge Cobain fan or anything... I like their band pretty well, I suppose. It didn't mean for me what it meant for a lot of people, I guess, but I really liked them at the time. When it came out, In Utero was one of the hardest non-metal albums I'd ever heard. I bought it with a gift card to Best Buy that my Uncle Dave got me for my birthday. Back in "those days" every disc at BB was $11.99 or less. That was their whole deal. Back when I actually used to buy cds. HA! CDs.

I guess that's how people my parents age feel when I talk about how I think that Neil Young's "After the Gold Rush" is one of the best albums ever. Old.
- posted by Mason @ 11:36 PM

Oh shit, this is it.



I'm sure you all read this Reuters article about how the world is actually coming to an end and we're all fucked. Gasoline is now 400% as expensive as it was when I was when I started driving 9 years ago. That's fucking terrifying. It sure is a good thing we don't really need petrol anymore, or we'd be fucked like the rest of you.

Good luck with that. Maybe you might want to think about buying a bike.
- posted by Mason @ 11:17 PM

I still don't like coffee.



I made a bunch of coffees today. Some successful... some not. A lady liked the mocha I made, but I'm still having trouble with the foamy milk [ewww... milk] in lattes and crappy-chinos. My problem is that I don't really have a frame of reference for what they're supposed to taste like. I've never been a coffee man and I don't go out for the St@rbuckz. They all taste bad to me... they're sludgy and bitter and no amount of sugar or soy milk can cover that up.

However, my desire to do things better than other people (and there by feel superior) drives me to perfect coffee drinks for people. I aspire to shake the espresso bar world to it's very foundations with my mad fan-fucking-tastic drink making abilities. I'll keep you posted as to my progress.
- posted by Mason @ 11:47 PM

Something new from America's Biggest Asshole!


Yeah, yeah yeah. OK, Mason we all know that Donald Trump is a complete and total douche bag, but the piece of shit known as the "The Don" has sunk to a new, and possibly all-time, low. Trump Steaks. Yup, the world's most conceited man now not only has his own line of premium bottled water, but also a signature line of steaks. I'm so sickened by this garbage that I can't really even coherently express my disgust. His promotion of and profiteering from our this nation's shameless excess and gross overconsumption makes me want to retch. I can't wait till he goes bankrupt again. Also, he's been talking shit on my boy Mark Cuban again, so double fuck him and his truly sad comb over.

I would also like to note that one of the most powerful real estate magnates in America has websites that look like I designed them on my iMac in 1998.


Cows really enjoy being shot in the head for your food!
- posted by Mason @ 11:18 PM

23 Miles and 0 Emissions


Short post today. Meg and I rode to two estate sales, then out to White Rock Lake, rode all the way around the lake, then rode by work to pick up my check, then home. 23 miles. Four hours (including stops). Here's a picture of me at the lake. Meg has some more pictures up on her flickr.
- posted by Mason @ 11:59 PM

Mitchum, I think we need to talk.


I sweat. A lot. I ride between 4 and 10 miles a day on the bike. I wear a heavy chef's jacket and hat all day at work. I make pizzas all day in front of 525 degree oven and serve food off a hot bar with a heat lamp for 8 hours. I'm on my feet, moving around, picking things up, putting them down, rolling out dough... I get wet [but not like WK].

I used to have two or three deodorants because I stank if I didn't cake it on. I had one at home, one in the car and one in my desk at work. Even if I got just a little bit hot, my pits would start to get ripe after a few hours. Since giving up the meat, dairy and eggs I haven't smelled stinky at all. I don't need deodorant anymore. I don't use it. I haven't used in a week. I'm amazed, frankly. I know that sounds like some holistic hippie bullshit, but it's the stone fucking truth, friends. The one downside is that I feel some minor separation anxiety because I've used Mitchum Unscented Gel for over ten years now and I suddenly I no longer need it. It's pretty great, especially since deodorant is expensive.


this picture is for you, bam.

Tonight riding home, I'm stopped at the light at Ross and Matilda. My headlight is set on flash because it makes me more noticeable to motorists and it doubles the battery life. This sort of scruffy looking dude in his thirties is walking across the street.

Dude [texas accent]: Hey man, I like that strobe light.
Me: Thanks, it keeps me from getting run over.
Dude: Yeah, it looks like disco music, man.
Me: [pause] Uh, thanks.

He then walks across the street to use the payphone.
- posted by Mason @ 11:34 PM

I've got the big boy seat now!


My ass has really been killing me lately and I was sort of at an impasse. I couldn't get the mounting hardware for the original seat off the post and it was really starting to fucking piss me off. The OG Huffy seat was basically a tea towel over a steel spike with some cling wrap over it and the agony was no bullshit. I pulled the seat of the 70's Sears Free Spirit we bought for $7 at the thrifty in OKC. (I'd previously pulled the rear rack for Megan's bike.)

The difference is awesome. I can actually ride in relative comfort now, as this seat is about four inches wider for my big ass. So now I've got the big boy seat, and it's fucking great.





We picked up our $26 Huffy tandem today, and it works perfectly. Megan even rode it home! The tires are pretty much shot, but they hold air for now. They're 26 x 1 3/4 so they're slightly wider than our other two bike's tires to accommodate the two people riding it. Megan will take some good pictures and we'll post them tomorrow.

Stop eating meat, dairy and eggs; start riding a bike. Please read the first issue of Urban Cyclist.

UPDATE:
I totally forget to mention the funniest thing ever. We walked over to the guy's house to pick up the bike, yeah? Well, when we got there, he was talking to his next door neighbor. I didn't look at her, but as we walked up she got in her car and drove away... Megan noticed that it was a gold SUV with a "Life What a Beautiful Choice" sticker. HAHAHAHAHA. It's a good thing I didn't recognize that bitch, or I would have said, "Wow, that's a big honkin' bike! I really like it, it sure does honk my horn." I thought it was pretty funny.
- posted by Mason @ 5:59 PM

We have offically, completely lost it.


We just won this vintage, one-speed tandem bike off ebay for $26. The dude lives 8 blocks away from us and we're going to go get it this week. It's in good working order but it needs new tires (a scant $30 including tubes and shipping). I talked to the guy on the phone this morning and he sounds like a real hoot. Retired military, into "restoring" things, and really enjoys a nice long chat. A long, long chat. It should be endlessly entertaining.

The auction listing:

THIS OLD GAL STILL HAS SOME LIFE IN HER. COMPLETE IN EVERY WAY, JUST NEEDS NEW TIRES AND SOME TLC. YOU CAN PICK YOUR OWN COLORS. PROBABLY ABOUT THE EARLY 50'S BUT I AM NOT AN EXPERT. MAKE THIS YOUR SUMMER PROJECT. I CAN PACK AND TAKE TO THE TRANSPORT COMPANY BUT YOU MAKE THE ARRANGEMENTS AND PAY SHIPPING. THIS IS AN AMERICAN MADE HUFFY SO YOU COULD PAINT IT RED,WHITE AND BLUE. THINK HOW JEALOUS YOUR NEIGHBORS WILL BE.... PAYPAL OR MONEY ORDERS OR CHECKS. THIS IS TOO NICE AN OLD BIKE TO RUST AWAY IN A GARAGE SOMEWHERE

"But Mason," you say, "what are you going to do with a tandem bicycle?"

Ride the fuck out it, that's what.

Now when people come to stay, they can ride on the back with me while Megan rides her bike. And by people, I mean you Daniel. Driving a car is for suckers, have I mentioned that lately?
- posted by Mason @ 11:14 PM

You're wrong, I'm right. Sort of.
I had a conversation today about fast food. My contention is that even eating at a fast food restaurant that is "compassionate" toward animals still perpetuates the well oiled planet fuck machine of food corporatization. They've built an empire on our laziness, and we're all implicit in our own mass genocide. I've been just as guilty as anyone else for years, but now that I know better I can't not engage someone over it.

Eating at Chipotle is bad. I don't care if they do use free range chicken or whatever, they're partially owned by the bastards at McDonalds. When you eat there you're putting money in the till of a system indifferent to killing you in the name of profit.

Freedom comes from eating organically and locally. Making your own food that you've grown is best. The next best option is making you're own food that you've bought from a local vendor who buys from local/organic farmers. Third would be buying food from a locally owned restaurant that gets its ingredients from local/organic farmers/suppliers.

Some people don't have these options because they live in places where fresh, local produce is difficult to get. But no one "has" to eat at corporate restaurants. Just make your own god-damn sandwich. It's really not that complicated.

Large sit down chains are as bad as fast food, worse in some cases. The portions are out of control, the prices are exorbitant, and they're a huge cause of total homogenization in this country. "Oh, boy we've got a P.F. Chang's now!" Well good for you. I'm really happy that your town is just like everywhere else on Earth now.

For god sakes, shop local. Independent businesses need your patronage.

Oh, and stop eating meat and dairy and eggs.

Thank you, good night.
- posted by Mason @ 11:59 PM

You can Blonk the Donk (but don't Conk the Conk)



Pizza tastes good, I think we'll all agree. A dilemma for us, however, is the cheese issue. I don't eat the cheese, dad. It's not a plant you see. Vegan cheese is expensive and not very good, and plain old cheeseless pizza is boring.

To remedy this problem we mixed Megan's famous "cheeze" sauce (nutritional yeast, flour, water, Earth Balance, paprika, salt, yellow mustard) with some marinara and poured it on the crust before the veg. For topping we have squash, kale, fresh corn, green onion and garlic.

Yeah, it tasted fucking good. "I'm telling you man, that shit's straight up", as my friend Issac would say.

You don't need meat, cheese, milk, eggs or cars and I love that I now have a job where I can tell people all about it without anyone getting pissed off.
- posted by Mason @ 11:49 PM

Would Jesus honk at me?
Dallas, 7:00pm. On the way home from the store. A woman in a gold Isuzu Rodeo pulls up behind me as I'm slowing down coming up to a stop sign. It's a one way, one lane residential street lined with parked cars on my right.

Megan is two feet from the stop sign, stopped. I'm twenty feet behind her, and this woman is half a car length behind me. She honks at me as I'm slowing down to stop. I stop and she pulls around me on the left.

Me [yelling as loud as I can to make sure she hears me]: "It's not necessary for you to honk at me ma'am!"

Woman [bleached blonde, bourge-y, between 40 and 45, passenger window rolled down]: "It's not necessary for you to ride so slowly."

Megan [yelling]: "He's a vehicle!"

Me [at the same time as Meg]: "Ma'am, I am a vehicle! Dallas city law gives all vehicles, including bicycles, the right to a full lane!"

She gets flustered, pulls out in into the intersection, and has to slam on her brakes to avoid getting hit by cross bound traffic. She has a "Life: What a Beautiful Choice" bumper sticker and a nativity scene bumper sticker. We laugh and laugh as she is forced to wait for several minutes because no one will let her get over.

It made me so happy. My bike is the same as your car, get used to it, mother-fuckers.
- posted by Mason @ 7:13 PM

Maybe it would be funnier if I was Swedish



I downloaded a Swedish comedy called Kopps yesterday and watched it before work this morning. It's basically like Super Troopers, but in Sweden. The premise is that this police department in a small town is going to be closed down because there isn't any crime and it's a waste of the government's money to keep it open. In desperation the four officers start committing crimes themselves to make them seem necessary. It was sort of funny, but I think I missed a lot of the jokes. I'm pretty sure the majority of the "funny" is based around the kinds of things people say or the way they say them, and homebrew subtitles just can't convey that.



If you have nothing else to do for 90 minutes, it's not a complete waste of time, but I can't say I wouldn't have rather watched Meatballs (the first one, not the third one where an over-the-hill Sally Kellerman plays the ghost of a dead porn star who is sent to help a teenaged nebish lose his virginity. Speaking of terrible USA Up All Night movies, when was the last time you saw Hot Times at Montclair High? It might be the worst movie ever.)


but you get a total chubby for this 4-wheel drive volvo sport wagon with a total racing package.
- posted by Mason @ 11:36 PM

The home of the 33¢ empanada


I'd mentioned recently how cool of a store Fiesta is, but we hadn't really looked closely at prices and product. Not all of the produce we buy from my place of work is organic (there are certain things that Health Food Store just doesn't carry in organics), so why not buy them from Fiesta. They're a small, Texas based, community friendly grocer and what's wrong with that?

Their bakery is pretty cool, and they have a lot of vegan friendly items (though I'm sure the sugar they use is ground against charred bone, but oh well, that's why I'm not vegan, I just eat a vegan diet). It's fucking panaderia-tastic. We got some bad ass apple empanadas reasonably priced at 3 for $1.00. Bollilos are 6 for $1.00.

They have every kind of pepper you could want, tons of weird tropical fruits, and even fresh garbanzo beans. I think especially if you don't shop at the health food store, Fiesta is a much better choice than that bastard of a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market.



this lady didn't really want meg to take a picture of her

Here's a list of Fiestas at which you can shop in Dallas:
(in no particular order)
5334 Ross Ave
611 West Jefferson
9727 Webb Chapel
3030 South Lancaster
2951 South Buckner Blvd
8060 Spring Valley
- posted by Mason @ 8:06 PM

I'm the operator with my pocket calculator...



Hannah (of knitted Dawn of the Dead fame) has knitted the cover of The Man Machine, one of my favorite Kraftwerk albums. Very impressive.
- posted by Mason @ 4:57 PM